汇丰商务英语写作教程（24）

在前两节中，我们学习了 How To Be Polite 和 How To Be Positive，今天我们来学习 How To Be Personal，这会让你的商务信函看起来更有亲和力，更容易被人接受。

Being Courteous: How To Be Personal 

You have learned how to write polite and positive sentences. However, a third "P" - be personal - is also important.

Read the letter below. Does it seem personal to you?

If you were Rachel Harrison, the customer who received this letter, how would you feel?

12 May 200X

Ms Rachel Harrison

34 Smythe Court

Westfield

Dear Madam

Reference is made to your letter of 1 May regarding the status of the application for a Privilege Card.

The Bank has checked the relevant records. The application was received, but the cheque was not enclosed.

Be advised that the cheque must be received before the Privilege Card can be sent.

Yours faithfully

S Martin

Personal Relationship Manager

Good customer relations...

...need a personal touch.

But how can your writing have a personal touch?

Look at the letter again. Think about how you could rewrite some of the sentences to make them more personal.

You can do at least three things to make this letter more personal.

USE PERSONAL PRONOUNS

The letter has only one personal pronoun.

However, when you speak to people, you often use words like "you", "I" and "we". If you also use these personal pronouns when you write, your sentences will sound more personal.

Look at the sentence below. How can you make it more personal?

"The Bank appreciates a prompt reply."

Remember, "the Bank" is made up of people, and you want a reply from a person:

"We would appreciate it if you could reply promptly."

In addition to using personal pronouns, you can use a person's name when writing.

USE PEOPLE'S NAMES 

Do you remember the impersonal letter to Rachel Harrison? In that letter, the writer didn't use the customer's name... except in the address.

When you speak with customers, you usually use their names. So, if you use a customer's name when writing, your letter will sound more personal.

If you were writing a letter to John Carter, how would you begin?

You wouldn't write "Dear Sir", would you? You would write "Dear Mr Carter" or even "Dear John", if you knew him well.

Everyone likes to hear or read their own name. So, sometimes, you can even use a person's name in the body of the letter.

For example, you could write

"May I suggest, John, that you..."

"John, since you are a valued customer, I would like to..."

However, you probably would not use a person's name more than once in the letter.

You will write more personal memos, letters and e-mails if you use personal pronouns and personal names. You should also use the active voice of the verb.

USE ACTIVE VOICE OF THE VERB 

When you use the active voice of the verb, you emphasise the person doing the action (the "doer").

Using the passive voice emphasises the action and often does not mention the "doer". So, it sounds impersonal.

Look at the sentence below. How can you change this sentence to make it sound more personal?

"Please be assured that the application will be processed quickly."

Suggested revision:

"We assure you that we will process your application quickly."

If you'd like to review how to use the active and passive voice of the verb, go to Chapter 5.

You can practise writing personal sentences in the exercise below.

The following sentences are quite impersonal. Revise the sentences to make them more personal.

The Bank acknowledges receipt of the letter dated 10 May.

The Premier card can be used worldwide.

The proposal you made is acceptable to us.

Suggested revisions:

We received your letter of 10 May. / Thank you for your letter of 10 May.

You can use your Premier card worldwide.

We accept your proposal.

下一次我们将讲述四个P 中的最后一个——How To Be Professional，敬请关注。

（中国物流论坛 实习生江巍 英语点津 Annabel 编辑）

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